I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize