Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
