The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
