please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My vagina is officially offended.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
