found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Congratulations! We have a period
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
