my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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