Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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