Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
