when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
