first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
