Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize