He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize