her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
