My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
