did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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