Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
