He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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