Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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