i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
