Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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