I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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