Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
