My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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