so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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