Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
