i wish my penis had a tongue
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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