Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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