Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
