The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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