We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize