I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize