Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
