Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you had me at cake vodka
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize