Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
