I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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