we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I have post one night stand depression
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