I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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