"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
whose parrot is this?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
