I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
