Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just high enough for therapy.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
