He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize