Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
