Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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