I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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