Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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