would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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