she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
