my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
