I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Randomize
