Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
