Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
