Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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