Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Semen is not good for contacts.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
