oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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