I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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