my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
