I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
