Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
