Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
the liver wants what the liver wants
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
