Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
