Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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