So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
