i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
