Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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