I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
