That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
