id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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