So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
