saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize