i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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