I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i already hear my dad disowning me
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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