hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Are my feet made of real feet?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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