i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
