You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My vagina is officially offended.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
